Non-hike 12: Farewell to Maui

It would have been pushing it had we suggested to our dear editor that we attempt the Ridge hike for a third time—we love that place. We were open to the idea but we thought we should be considerate to her heart, back, her muscles, blisters, scratches…If nothing else we are developing a certain sensitivity. Yes, well...

Editor would hate to be seen without her hiking boots...very fashionable

Our son, Gavin, mentioned that it was typical to see pictures of the beaches from visitors to these islands. “They have beaches?” we exclaimed. We decided (reluctantly) for our last day’s visit to search for a beach. Aha! Now the concept of an island was falling into place. We agree when they say that travel broadens the mind.

Before setting off, we identified a place that offered a walk next to the beach, a place to swim, read and do what people are supposed to do at the beach. We have a lack of experience in this department so we intended to keep a sharp lookout for pointers. “You have a bit of a problem,” said our loving wife. “What’s that?” we wanted to know.
“The thing is,” she continued, “I’ve been studying your body of late.” We did mention earlier that hike-about is all about broadening the mind. There you go again, she is studying. “The little problem is that you are a ‘two-toner’.”
“Two-toner? What’s that?”

“Your arms and legs are brown but your torso is very white. You may look a little funny on these special Hawaiian beaches.”

“We see what you mean.” We were beginning to see an opening. “In order to avoid embarrassment, maybe we should ‘skip the beach’ and go hike the Ridge again.” Suffice to say, the morning did not get off to a smooth start.

Obscuring deliberate to avoid embarrassment to subject and nausea to viewers. (Editorial censor)

The locale we visited for beach access was very ‘posh’. Besides all the usual extravagant trimmings, we were very impressed with the gardens and lawns. Some of the latter looked like the finest manicured golf greens. Anyway, we found a position in the shade off the beach and observed the people at work while we looked up from our book every so often. Because it was hot near the water, we noticed that this caused people to remove their clothes--most only wore under-garments. It seemed quite logical. We wondered though why it is indecent to walk about in loin cloths in the city but considered appropriate at the beach. We miss that point.

Another aspect that we wondered about was what people were actually accomplishing. We saw people sleeping then waking, turning over, resting or sleeping and repeating the process over again. We thought it might be more comfortable to remain in bed and rest. Our editor of course looked at us with her ‘rolling eyes’ and remarked:‘You like climbing mountains, so keep your thoughts to yourself.’ We weren’t being judgmental we answered; after all we walk up a mountain and then walk down again. How intelligent is that? However, we were trying to understand what was going on at the beach. Our final conclusion after studying the situation: It would be easier for people to attach themselves to a spit and have someone rotate them periodically. As to our two-tone status, we should begin hiking in the mountains wearing only our underpants. Why not?